The next phase of life; fulfilling with important needs and feelings

Haven’t been back here for the longest time (I know), but have been reading the blogs here and there so…. As a final 14 days countdown to my last paper (plus not resting on my laurels here because I don’t want to fail this paper too; a pass will do I hope), and a 21 days countdown to entering the working world, there’s a lot to reminisce about my 16 years of education.

Much as I do want to enter the working world (LIKE FINALLY), I will definitely miss school life for all the free time it occurs. Entering the working world, there are a number of goals I have for myself, especially when it comes to staying fit and healthy, with cases like those who grow fatter due to rich lunches and being too tired to exercise after work etc. And I most definitely do not want to gain back the weight I have lost in the first quarter of 2015. I think I have been pretty blessed with a nice working hours of 9.30am to 6.30pm; it just means I have no excuse for a morning exercise….right? 😛

So I suppose I will add on to this list here, of any routines and/or goals I intend to achieve. It will be hard, but it’s for the future 🙂

Routine:

1) Choose type of exercise to do the night before, wear exercise clothes to bed, sleep by latest midnight to wake up between 6am to 6.30am (depending on duration of exercise), to finish exercising by 7.30am, out of shower by 7.45am, dressed up by 8am, breakfast and out of the house by latest 8.20am so as to reach work by 9.30am.

2) Make sure healthy snacks are on hand (cereal, yoghurt etc.)

3) Brisk walk to workplace from MRT and vice versa.

4) Plan the to-do list for the day on the way to work.

Goals:

1) ST – Build a mini home gym of my own (research on what are the essentials) (so far: kettlebell/medicine ball, the ball used for abs workout)

2) ST – Good quality sportswatch

3) ST – Go Hair removal salon MUSEE PLATINUM TOKYO to do hair removal!!!

4) ST – Saving as much as I can (hopefully can hit 30% per month)

5) LT – At least $50000 for wedding (SIGH)

6) LT – $TBC for house renovations…?

7) LT – $TBC for Europe backpacking honeymoon

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23 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

In this time and age whereby it is seen as weird by society that one enjoys being alone, I cannot agree more with this article. Having too many things in my life gives me so much lesser time to think through things on my own and that I don’t have ample time to myself to recharge. Hopefully I can finish everything that I owe latest before the last day of internship, to have a few days to myself before final year starts. & to visit some important people that I have definitely neglected in these past few months. & to re-evaluate some relationships.

Thought Catalog

Sascha KohlmannSascha Kohlmann

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able…

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Love, a lifelong journey of unanswered questions.

In recent months, it’s been pretty hard to be just me, but why?

Yes, I admit, it really sucks seeing everyone better at me…whether is it in university, fitness, or even other halves. My turtle is fine, it’s just that… I seem to compare him with others quite a number of times this year, and I really don’t like this attitude of mine. Is it because I want him to be like others when he’s not? I don’t know. How do I put it… It’s not that I’m not satisfied, it’s just that… certain parts of him, I really wish he would be better at. But if I keep comparing, won’t I appreciate him less?

& another thing, a close friend of mine raised this question to me recently: if ever, I find someone better at work, would I still stick with Turtle? That is a question I don’t know how to answer, except with a “wait and see”. He sees me as a “forever”… But I don’t. To me, anything can happen in the future, but would I break his heart? It would kill him so much inside, but won’t I be killed too, for obliging loving someone?

I guess there’s so many things about love that I still don’t understand isn’t it. A battle between “true love prevails all” & both parties having the most payoffs from the relationship. 

For now, I’ll stick to loving him for who he is… Because he’s mine.

 

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Time & Distance, I will defeat you.

I supposed, I never expected this to be such a huge obstacle. It’s just 9 weeks of temporary separation, there’s always the weekends to look forward to, and it’s a phone call away at night.

I never saw this coming, I must admit. But in a short span of almost 8 weeks and counting, we already got angry with each other twice. Time is just not on our side. With him getting through each tiring day with not much freedom and lots of rules, and myself being caught up with school, internship applications and some RC stuff too, it’s not the best combination right now. For me, I’m getting used to the freedom… Which I don’t know if I should. & here he is, missing his freedom.

I’m pretty upset too… I wish to see him more often too. Like today, I was supposed to meet Yu Ping to go for high tea, but I bumped into Calvin at Douby Ghaut while waiting for YP, so he invited YP & myself to join Liying, Siting, Farhan Sir and him to view the exhibition @ the Atrium. So when he called me (he just left campsite from NDRT camp) to ask if he could meet him… I was torn. Of course I want to meet him, but I just can’t PS the rest, especially when I already planned to meet YP earlier. So when I told him of our plans, I asked him if he wanted to join us, even if it would only be for a while (he had to book in at 8pm). Basically he was thinking like eating with us… The problem is now, I’m not the one planning the programme here… So he got a little upset that I sounded like I didn’t want to meet him at the point of time.

He did admit his feelings later, and he’s not having an easy time too. Sigh, I just wish he knew that much as I’m trying to be understanding… I’m human too. I supposed I have reached a point whereby I can miss him, but he isn’t my top top top priority anymore. I really don’t know if that’s okay… It’s really hard, one year on, to manage the balance between him and friends.

But no matter what, I will stay. I have committed to this, I must push through this. It’s our feelings at stake that I’m handling here, and I don’t want us to be any more distant than right now. I don’t want to play with both our hearts, I must work something out.

The heart is crying. But I cannot give up now. Tired as I may be, but I won’t give in to Time & Distance.

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All I want to do right now, is curl up in my blankets, hug my bolster, hands cupped round a mug of tea or hot chocolate, & stare at books, or laptop, or anything, that can take me away from this nightmare.

I’m so tired, so tired, why?

Why do I owe everyone so much? Why am I doing so much for people, when they are not even responsible for their own work?

This is really killing me, inside.

Can I be a bad senior? Can I? Can I? Can I?

sadly, no.

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Exhausted.

I suppose being me is not the solution anymore.

Everyday, I’m reminded of how imperfect I am, whether is it my intelligence or my size or my beauty. Today’s looking-at-everyone-eating-pizza late lunch just threw me over the cliff. It was NOT FUN having to sit through the entire meal with the Stuffed-crust, Meat Galore pizza right in front of me, yet I can’t eat it. I suppose I deserve it because of my size, but if that’s the case, I rather go out less, or should I say, have lesser meals with people. It’s not fun at all to see them eating a super nice meal in front of you, especially when you already finished your salad. & then the shopping? Even more waste of time. I wasted a nice 4 hours, doing what I HATE THE MOST. It’s NOT ENJOYABLE at all, and I wished they went to somewhere else instead of Jurong Point so that I have a reason to reject.

These few weeks, it’s like a huge cloud hanging over my head, whether is it school, work, unichannel or Nicholas. & much as I’m doing my best to push away my favourite commitment, somehow I find I still don’t have time for my remaining commitments.

I’m really tired, social interaction is suddenly so much harder than before. Maybe I should hide in my shell or something. I see no joy in anything, anymore.

On a sidenote, I’m sorry I’m a burden today.

On another sidenote, I have cut off a certain social media platform, simply because I’m tired of interacting with humans. Just realised it means it will be harder to contact Nic now, but at least I have sms. Until I’m comfortable again, I’m not going back there.

Maybe, this diet is making me go crazy/

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30 Reasons To Keep On Keeping On

Thought Catalog

1. Nothing beautiful ever came from an easy life. Nothing truly incredible ever came from times of ease and contentment. We’d never enjoy the daytime if we didn’t have the night.

2. We naturally want to reach for more. Until we literally reach nirvana, we’re designed to be striving for better, and it’s not always the worst thing.

3. With that said, it’s also extremely important to realize the beauty in the art of being. Allowing yourself to embrace the journey, but to rest at whatever step you’re at and enjoy it, as you’ll never be back there again.

4. Real transformations and miracles are always preceded by pain and suffering. Lost things are always just making room for others to be found.

5. If there’s one thing we know about existence, it’s that nothing remains for too long, not even our sorrows.

6. You are a constant unfolding of…

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