I supposed, I never expected this to be such a huge obstacle. It’s just 9 weeks of temporary separation, there’s always the weekends to look forward to, and it’s a phone call away at night.
I never saw this coming, I must admit. But in a short span of almost 8 weeks and counting, we already got angry with each other twice. Time is just not on our side. With him getting through each tiring day with not much freedom and lots of rules, and myself being caught up with school, internship applications and some RC stuff too, it’s not the best combination right now. For me, I’m getting used to the freedom… Which I don’t know if I should. & here he is, missing his freedom.
I’m pretty upset too… I wish to see him more often too. Like today, I was supposed to meet Yu Ping to go for high tea, but I bumped into Calvin at Douby Ghaut while waiting for YP, so he invited YP & myself to join Liying, Siting, Farhan Sir and him to view the exhibition @ the Atrium. So when he called me (he just left campsite from NDRT camp) to ask if he could meet him… I was torn. Of course I want to meet him, but I just can’t PS the rest, especially when I already planned to meet YP earlier. So when I told him of our plans, I asked him if he wanted to join us, even if it would only be for a while (he had to book in at 8pm). Basically he was thinking like eating with us… The problem is now, I’m not the one planning the programme here… So he got a little upset that I sounded like I didn’t want to meet him at the point of time.
He did admit his feelings later, and he’s not having an easy time too. Sigh, I just wish he knew that much as I’m trying to be understanding… I’m human too. I supposed I have reached a point whereby I can miss him, but he isn’t my top top top priority anymore. I really don’t know if that’s okay… It’s really hard, one year on, to manage the balance between him and friends.
But no matter what, I will stay. I have committed to this, I must push through this. It’s our feelings at stake that I’m handling here, and I don’t want us to be any more distant than right now. I don’t want to play with both our hearts, I must work something out.
The heart is crying. But I cannot give up now. Tired as I may be, but I won’t give in to Time & Distance.